HOW TO GET A GIRL TO
FART
Tips, Tricks and Recipes
I'm not saying go out and be a player. These are little tips and tricks that can help guide you when you meet that someone, or to see if she is that someone. Then You will show off your culinary skills with the agenda to
GET HER TO FART
I get this question a lot.
"How do you get so many fart girls?"
I figured I would just write a piece that may help some of you get your own girls.
Now to talk to a girl and get them to like you and be down for you, well that is a whole other subject. You need game, my friend, and if you don’t have it, there are plenty of books out there that may guide you. I am open to talk privately with some of you with some tips, only if our schedules connect. Otherwise if you already have a girl/girls, or you got that swag and can get girls the next step is.
So now you're Rico Suave and got a girl's digits without visibly sweating and when you call it, it's actually her number, so now what?
How do I get them to fart?
This varies.
We all have our tricks, charm is the best one. Get them to laugh, get them to find humor in it, and most of all DO NOT BE CREEPY or demanding.
First feel her out, see what sort of sense of humor she has
If she acts like a snob when you start with the potty humor then she may be a hard one to crack, but if all the boxes check, besides the fart humor part then hope isn’t all lost.
Just the chances are slim.
Once she is sold on your personality (with or without the fart humor comradery)
And you guys are on the frisky side.
Ask her what she likes, as far as kinks, and play with her, You see, don't start out with telling her you wanna sniff her poo particles, put her first when it comes to the "get to know ya" game. Girl's have ego more than heart, so run with it....Please her first.
Once you get past that, you got her tenderized and willing to do what you like. If she isn’t game, then ditch her, she’s selfish, move on.
Rinse, repeat, and find the next lady to be unladylike.
Now you got her, she texted back, she’s down with farts,
and she’s coming over tonight.
CHEF FARTFORME
Recipes that will make you look like a culinary champ and attract a gas filled girl, into your bed, so she can cook you in a dutch oven of her own.
(I thought it was funny)
You -"Pugh, I got the girl, she is down for me, at this point, I trust her with my ATM password"
Me - "Uh huh, so what's the problem?"
You- "She can't fart!!"
Alright, man, don't panic, it's not over yet. I have ghosted girls who were cool, and even down to fart, but no matter how hard we tried she just couldn't fart at all. I'm against the pump, so that is NOT an option. It never feels good to just leave a perfect girl, and you definitely don't want to explain to her the real reason, "yeah, uh, you just can't fart, and I am some mindless pervert that can only be satisfied by farts"
So, I did some research, and trials and errors, to tried and proven. If you meet that one girl who just doesn't have the body to produce farts, here is your last ditch effort, before you, sadly, have to move on to the next.
I will give you some great recipes to push that along, and while, nothing is guaranteed, you will have better luck with my formula, than just taking her to taco bell in hopes “it’s true what they say about the bell”
(Pro Tip taco Bell and fast food are not always the best option. Usually it just blocks them up or gives them the shits. )
The bonus to trying my plan is you will come off as a great cook, and chicks dig a guy who can cook.
Side Note: If you’ve seen any of the videos on this website, you should know most of the farts were created by just me cooking what I am about to teach you below. Like I've said, I refuse to resort to a pump, being I don’t have an inflated fetish, I have a fart fetish, so when I’m getting girls to fart for me, it has to be a fart.
So now you need to prep.
Get your ass on down to the store, and take this list with you.
Ground Chicken
4 types of beans - Kidney Beans - Navy Beans - Pinto Beans - Black Beans
{The trick is to buy them dry and boil in water. Those will make them gassier, however, you will be fine if you buy them in a can.}
Chili Powder and Cumin
{Store bought chili powder will work just as good, or you can make your own chili powder with, sweet paprika, garlic powder (not salt, make sure it’s powder) Cayenne pepper, onion powder, oregano, and cumin.}
Brussel sprouts
Olive Oil
Sea salt
Black pepper
A white onion
Cabbage
Fresh garlic
Dried fruits, apricots, cranberries, and mangoes
Nuts
Unsalted Butter
Hard pressed Coconut Oil
Six pack of ginger Beer.
{Make sure it’s ginger beer and not ginger ale.}
Bottle of Sweet Red Wine.
{Villa M is a good one if you can find it.}
Okay now your shopping is done, now run home, and find a movie (or two) to watch on prime or Netflix.
If I were to make a suggestion make sure it's a B movie style horror comedy so you guys can not get too into the film, and just loosen up while laughing at how stupid it is. trust me, this will help.
ROUND 1
The Infamous Chili
Let’s start with the beans.
Make sure you cook beans separately
If you bought dried beans boil them in water, and just make sure they are soft.
If you got cans of beans, put them all in the same pot.
DO NOT DRAIN the cans.
You need those juices because it holds all the good stuff that helps produce more gas.
As that is boiling...
Mix Chili Powder into the raw ground chicken before cooking to ensure every morsel is seasoned to perfection.
Throw that in a frying pan with diced onion, diced garlic, and as you brown the chicken, add a little more chili powder to taste.
Once you have browned the meat and seasoning, drain the fat out, then add it to the pot of beans and let simmer uncovered.
While simmering add chopped up cabbage and cook and stir until cabbage is tender.
When done, add a little shredded cheese to the top and dinner is served.
ROUND 2
Roasted Brussel Sprouts
This is your spotter, your back up plan. If the chili is taking awhile to kick in, brussel sprouts will clean up. I advise you actually have those ready first, that way she can snack on them while she waits for your gourmet treat.
Here’s how to make them delicious and she will feel you are a keeper.
It’s real simple, and will come out like they serve in the restaurants.
First preheat the oven while the cooking sheet is inside, at 425
Then wash the sprouts, cut them in half, and toss olive oil, a good amount of sea salt, and some black pepper to taste.
Make sure you toss it real well with plenty of sea salt and olive oil.
Once the oven is ready, pull the cooking sheet out, and place each brussel sprout half face down. Sprinkle the excess leaves that came off during the cutting and tossing over them because they are fun to crunch on
Then put it in oven for about 25 minutes.
ROUND 3
The Goal
I advise to make sure the roasted sprouts are ready first, as a light appetizer.
Then on to the meal.
Make sure you have Ginger Beer ready for her to wash down both the app and dinner.
Ginger Beer is great for producing the right kind of bubbles.
So we got the flatulent producing sprouts digesting in her, and we got the chili, and the beverage is getting everything more excited inside of her intestines'.
Now it's movie time, where she can relax.
This is why you need the snacks (the rest of the list.)
and the Wine to relax, let loose while you watch terrible movies to make fun of.
(wine is another ally to help get her farty)
Make sure you have a good spread of nuts and dried fruit to nibble, and about 45 minutes to an hour after you guys eat, offer to make popcorn. Scratch that, don't offer, she will say, "no more, I'm full." if you just make it then start chomping away, she will go in for some. It's popcorn, why wouldn't she?
Not only is it popcorn, but it is gourmet popcorn.
As a chef you would be insulted if she didn't at least try.
BONUS ROUND
Gourmet Popcorn
Don't be intimidated by the name. This is actually super easy.
You can get cheap microwave popcorn, pop about two bags, and have a cup ready, to put a half a stick of butter, and about two table spoons of organic coconut oil.
Once the popcorn is popped
Melt the butter with the oil, stir it so it's mixed and drizzle in each bag.
Shake the bags and pour them in a good sized bowl, then top it off with what is left from the cup.
TIME FOR DESSERT
Let's Hope
Very rarely would this fail if you took my steps.
If it does, then maybe she is weird and you may have to keep swiping right until you find another girl.
She could either be nervous about doing it, or the potion may take longer than usual to kick in.
If that's the case, perhaps she is staying the night, and make her a fruity breakfast, and offer to spend the day with her lounging around, eating healthy snacks, and binge watching some TV shows.
Good luck!